Friday, August 28, 2015

Take A Stand, America


It's no secret that Donald Trump is pumping up the masses. American bigotry is effervescing through the fabric of his elite, Mexican made, fashion line. He appeals to a base I would like to silence, though I respect the Constitution too much to attempt to silence any sect or belief system. He demagogues as a financial wizard with wings of a sectarian politician. The Donald singles out those he deems less important. In the same blowhard tone, narcissistic Trump idolizes those entertained and embellished by his scathing and pompous demeanor. Though, my personal belief is his attitude, on a global scale, will get us nuked, I think The Donald is playing a role in the transformation of Americanism.
The flip side of Trump's antics and spewed propaganda: Bernie Sanders. Bernie, a man that has
fought for equality and civil rights his entire life, stands true and votes by standards of the American
Constitution. With honor, he doesn't want to change our protected freedoms. He honors the words,
scribed and signed by our forefathers, to guarantee the right of life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness.  Americans, albeit white, black, brown, yellow, gay, straight, trans, short, tall, fat, thin,
racist, secular, religious, atheist, ugly, pretty,  smart, not so smart, disabled, young, old, rich,
poor, working, unemployed, anchor babies, and bigots, have earned and deserve the rights of the
land.

Besides a shared and inconsequential hair issue, these two men have the chance to change it all. Though them, we may find our way out of the party choke hold. Both men, on opposite sides of the fence, have the power to abort party affiliation. The Donald is drawing crowds in record numbers with his billion dollar ability to achieve national media coverage. Bernie is drawing record crowds without bank. The Trump field, filled with bigotry and hatred, is pushing ideals that feed division, whilst the Bernie camp presses on for unity and equality on all levels.  Bernie calls out the Koch initiative. Bernie stands to rise above corporate greed and ownership of the Senate and Congress. He
is waging war on behalf of a failing middle class that seems too ignorant and too uninvolved to save
themselves. Trump, well, he is intelligent enough to take advantage of the dumbed down American
twist.
Campaigning under different dogmas, the power to change the 'nuts in a pipe wrench' two party strangulation system, can end with these two candidates.
On the left, The Democratic Party is refusing to acknowledge Bernie's existence, claiming Hillary has no clear and present threat.
On the right, they are opting for loyalty oaths. Trying to limit and control which choices the people will be allowed if Trump is not the choice of The Republican National Party. This party wants to tie hands and force support of their choice in this pseudo free country of ours. They are always about one form of voter suppression or another. Trump scares them to death, but their party lacks any credible contenders. 
The fear of independent runs, by either candidate, is already filling newsstands. Anchors are whispering gloom and doom from commercial broadcasting desks. The fear is Trump will 'give' the presidency to Hillary if he runs without RNC support.  The Dems, they're in hush mode on the epic Bernie frenzy. I believe they think if they ignore him long enough he will go away.
I have a brilliant idea. Let The Donald run as Donald Trump, without a party affiliation. He's come too far to let down his supporters, nominee or not. Let Bernie Sanders run without a party, as well, staying true to his supporters. Let the RNC run their ALEC and Koch candidate, and let the Dems put up their Wall Street candidate. Let's let the people have their say, let the people declare the next President of the United States, not electoral votes, not Supreme Court judges, but the people, one by one, vote by vote. Only then can we retrieve our balls from the scrotum of the two party system.
Let's send a message and let them know: We the people is the #1 basic American principle, we aren't joking, we aren't playing, and your two party ideology is over. Let the people speak, quit silencing the masses, and let freedom, for once in many, many years, ring.

 Till the next time,

Pam


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

School Kids Forced to Drop Their Pants, Lift Their Dresses


It was either 1993 or 1994 at Lathers Elementary School in Garden City, Michigan, that my daughter, Nicole, came home with a paragraph of apology she had to write, fifty times, in regards to disrespecting the substitute teacher, Ms. Ousterhout. Since Nicole had never been in trouble a day in her life, I questioned her about the circumstance that led to the punishment. She told me stories about the other kids, and the statement: “The only job you will ever be able to get will be flipping burgers,” which Ms. Ousterhout made to another student for not standing correctly in line. I was livid. I told Nicole she wasn’t allowed to write the paragraph, because she wasn’t going to apologize for something she didn’t do. She was upset. She was afraid she would get in trouble. I called the school, talked to the principle who switched me to Ms. Ousterhout. I asked her what role Nicole played in the trouble she had with the class. She admitted Nicole was not responsible for any of the trouble, but the whole class was ordered to write the paragraph. I refused to allow it. I told her as a parent, I trump her. I also raised the issue of telling any kid they were so dumb they would grow up flipping burgers. Ms. Ousterhout began to cry. She didn’t need to be in a classroom setting. The next day Ms. Ousterhout was on every television news broadcast for hitting a second grader. Today, I read about an elementary school in Texas that forced about twenty-four kids to pull down their pants and show their underwear. They were searching for the perpetrator who was defecating on the gym floor.
While researching this incident I ran across another case of tenured protected molestation. In San Diego, assistant principle, Rita Wilson, lifted girls’ skirts and dresses as they entered a school dance to see if they were wearing thongs. This was not done in private; this was done at the entrance of the dance, in front of boys and male and female adults. Not that doing it in private would make it any better, it would just bear less humiliation for the student. If the girls were wearing thongs, they were sent home to change before they would be admitted into the dance.

Rita’s punishment was demotion. She lost her position and is now a teacher of the same students of which she played peek a boo.

I thought about Ms. Ousterhout, egotistically ordering all to apologize for the act of one. I thought about how angry I was that my daughter was expected to admit responsibility for something she didn’t do and pay the price for it. Writing paragraphs is one thing, dropping your pants, lifting your skirts, that’s another.
If a preschool acted in the same manner they would be fully investigated and closed down. If a neighbor asked the kid next door to show either a thong or his underwear he would be arrested for molestation and put on the sexual predators list. Should high school or elementary school teachers be treated any differently? Should the penance be less than any other person who chooses to molest a child or should the consequence be higher, because children are taught to obey educational officials?

I am appalled that Rita was only demoted. I am disgusted that she still has a teaching position in a public school. Though, it’s unclear what will happen with the Texas school officials, I’m sure it will be another slap on the wrist and the remains will be swept under the entrance ramp rug of the public educational facility.
Next, it will be said that the teachers had a right to force the Texas children to drop their pants for a poop check. It will be okay Rita humiliated young women by her thong check. Why? Because their religion says it’s okay.

The storm is brewing in America. Leave our children alone. Angry parents are a force that should never be pushed.

Till the next time, keep your pants up and your skirts down kids…JUST SAY NO!!! And your parents will be proud.

Pam

Saturday, January 10, 2015

The Castration of American Freedom


If our forefathers were to see what is happening in America they would shake their head and shed tears for the death of the nation they tried to protect. If they could feel what has become of American freedom they would cringe of shame and nauseate at the betrayal of the words they penned to protect the people. The uncontrollable slander and damnation would flow, deeming us too ignorant, lazy, complacent, and unworthy, to consider us truly American.  American’s have been legitimately raped of their given rights by their captors, their courts, their legislators, their lawmakers, but the ignorantly arrogant still believe in the entitlement of freedoms that never did exist. Laws enacted to promote religious condemnation clearly defy American freedom. Hence, another example of the wicked deflowering of our basic rights: Michigan House Bill 5958, also known as the Michigan Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

Lawmakers have taken the crux of Americanism and twisted the values to fit a select few. The Michigan Religious Freedom Restoration Act is a perfect example of the twist on law and religion. Defiant to the founders, HB 5958 gives very limited power to the government in religious discrimination. The first paragraph states:
“The bill would create the "Michigan Religious Freedom Restoration Act" to prohibit government from substantially burdening a person's exercise of religion, even if the burden resulted from a rule of general applicability. ("Exercise of religion" would mean "the practice or observance of religion, including an act or refusal to act, that is substantially motivated by a sincerely held religious belief, whether or not compelled by or central to a system or religious belief".)”

Who is the God all Americans worship? What religion is the National religion? Since being American grants us the freedom to choose, should everyone be held accountable by the biblical laws of a select religion or the secular belief of one? Should those who don’t worship in the same manner or believe in the same book receive any form of persecution? Does allowing any discrimination via religion create the dogmatic derogation of another?

The founders framed religious freedom on ones right to choose which dogma, if any, they decided to follow. It did not give credence to use that dogma to discriminate against those who made different choices. The non pork eaters had no right to treat someone differently on the basis of the consummation of pork. One who worships Christ has no right to condemn one who doesn’t. Those that abstain from tea and coffee have no right to put any tea or coffee drinker in a place of penance due to their choice of drink.

The United States Constitution protects the right of religious choice under the premise that we are responsible for our own beliefs and our choice bears no permission to persecute those who choose otherwise. Freedom of Religion was based on the observation of those who fled from The Church of England, because of the death and violence they suffered due to their religious beliefs.

They fled imprisonment and tortuous decapitation if they believed differently than the Church of England under King James. The only bible allowed was the King James Version, after his personal translation. The founders lived at a time in the New World when they watched the same religious war begin between the Catholics and those that fled the Church of England Christians. They watched the Christians, after teaching the practice of scalping to the American Indians; pay the Indians per Catholic scalp. Insidious behaviors were noted and abhorred in the free world. The founders etched a higher quality of privilege and humanity for their new land.

Being American is being free enough to believe and praise religion, but it is also to keep your neighbor free from being chastised and condemned for not believing in the same manner. No laws should be enacted to force any American under the guise of “freedom” to discriminate against anyone for any reason. It should never, ever be allowed in the name of Jesus. What a slap in the face to the man who taught anti hate, love, acceptance, and died for your sins.

HB 5958 gives the religious believers too much power to enact, with very little rebuttal from the government, discrimination. The Christians are chomping at the bit over the possibility of passing House Bill 5958. There is absolutely no purpose for this law in a free country, a country with many diverse people, all colors, religions, races, sexual orientations, and genders. When did it become possible, much less legal, in America for a Christian to have the right to refuse anyone anything based on any reason aside from violence?
America is a diverse country filled with immigrants from all over the world. Immigrants bring along their religious beliefs. We are not a Christian nation. We are Mormons, Catholics, Christians, Muslims, Jewish, Hindus, Buddhists, Scientologists, and Atheists. There is not one simple “good book” there are many scrolls of sacred beliefs. What will happen when HB 5958 backfires and the Christians find themselves in the hands of the non Jesus believing religions? Can those religions then damn them as heretics and crucify them based on their holy book in the name of their God? Will the religious right then fight for a religious war on our soil because they can’t accept what they themselves have imposed on others?

        The question we should be asking ourselves is why this is allowed to continue to happen in America. Why have Americans voted for politicians that would have such little respect for the real meaning of the constitution of the land they swore to protect. It’s treasonous to change the meaning of the laws to fit an agenda, and you can bet your last dollar there is an agenda. Americans have fallen prey to their rapists.

Christians back these laws in the name of Jesus, but in reality the laws aren’t about God, religion, Christ, Buddha, or any other sect, it is purely greed, power, and money. There is not a National religion in America; we are still free to choose where, if at all, we worship. God is not worshipped by all Americans, nor should those who don’t worship God, or any other entity, be punished by the beliefs of another. When the door to religious persecution is opened in America we have failed the crux of our freedom; the simple freedom to choose. With accepting any discrimination, in the name of God, or in any other premise, we have allowed the ultimate abortion, not of one, but of a nation of millions, allowing feticide of American rights and freedoms.
I’ve been sexually raped. I’ve been physically forced to do things I didn’t want to do. I’ve been beaten. But, I can’t ever remember crying uncle and just giving up or giving in, because it was easier. If I would have done that I would still be there. I was just fighting for myself. Now I feel I’m fighting for my children, my grandchildren, and many American generations to come. Unlike half of America, I will never embrace my rapist; I will never kiss the ass of the politicians that are bribed to make the laws that rape my people of their freedom. I will never side with politicians that manipulate people through their God or their religious dogma and I will continue to fight them until I can’t fight any more. Too much blood has been shed to keep our freedom, I’m not going quietly.

        I’m going to leave this article with a quote from Lyndon B. Johnson:
            "If you can convince the lowest white man that he is better than
              the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket.
              Hell, give him somebody to look down on and he'll empty his pockets
              for you." (Said in 1960.)
Obviously, President Johnson was right.
Till the next time…

Pam

       

       

 

Friday, May 30, 2014

Eric's Choice


Most know that my twenty-two year old son, Eric, is dying from hospital error due to his brain aneurysm. I feel a million different emotions raging inside of me. I’m going to attempt to share my inner most feelings with you, not for your sympathy, I don’t want that, but for those who have been or may be where I am, I want you to know I understand. For those that will never be in this position I want you to understand that this is not an easy road, nor does it grant easy choices.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and others through this process.

Yesterday, my forty-eight hours were up. I was supposed to make the decision to end Eric’s life after that time period. I’ve thought long and hard about making this decision. I have thought about it since May 7th when it first happened. I never let go of the fear of having to make that decision.

I told myself that I would donate every organ I could, because he was young and healthy and he could provide life to others, he could provide sight to the blind, and I liked knowing someone else could live and thrive because of Eric. I told myself that somehow it gave Eric’s life, and death, meaning.

I was promised by the leading neurologist that Eric wouldn’t live until May 22nd. I was told that his brain was going to explode through the stitches and it would bust out of the area that is missing skull. His intracranial pressures were through the roof and they couldn’t bring them down. With this thought in mind, I made myself believe that organ donation was a perfect route. He would die from brain death.

Eric did live and never broke through the stitches in his head, though his cranial pressure is still very high and he is somewhat disfigured from the swelling, he is still breathing above the vent.

I felt the pressure from the hospital growing. They wanted me to do comfort care. “Let him go with a dignified death.”

Those words rang over and over in my head. There was nothing dignified in what the hospital did to him and they are solely responsible for Eric’s current condition. They don’t even try to deny or hide that fact. Now, I should give him comfort care. I am expected to pull a ventilator on my child that is still breathing; as he breathes they administer more and more morphine until he goes into cardiac arrest. We lose his heart for donation because of the cardiac arrest that they cause, but they can still harvest the rest of his organs. “It’s the humane thing to do.”

I’ve heard all the comments that make me sound like a loving and selfless hero. Those kind words began to feel abrasive. It wasn’t and isn’t true. I am not a hero because I am willing to donate organs. I am not selfless because I’m willing to “part out” my son. Actually, the raw and bitter truth is probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am not donating because I’m so good hearted I am sacrificing Eric’s organs to give life to the less fortunate. My truth is I am donating those organs, if I can, because I DON’T WANT ERIC TO DIE and if I can keep him, or pieces of him, alive in another host then he isn’t gone, he isn’t dead. So please, I’m no saint.

Yesterday I came to terms, being faced with ending his life. I thought out “dignified” death. This is what I believe:

Every life form, at the time of distinction does everything possible to maintain survival. Eric wouldn’t be any different.

In my mind, though I know he never wanted to live as a vegetable, he is locked in his failing body. He has had no choices. Fate made choices, doctor’s made choices, I made choices, but Eric’s voice is unable to be heard.

My choices remain: 1) Pull the ventilator and let him go into cardiac arrest eventually, after they drug him so he doesn’t feel the pain and torture of suffocation. With that, we lose the heart for donation, but all of his other organs can be donated. 2) We wait for the next stroke that will take out the brain stem so he will go brain dead and then we can “harvest” his heart along with his other organs. 3) Because his body is deteriorating, let him go into his own cardiac arrest and we lose all the organs and he is gone, no donations.

Because I have dealt with many, many hurtful and close deaths I have whispered “I love you, let go, be free” into many ears. I said those words with great love and acceptance of my personal loss, but it was never my son.

I have spent Eric’s twenty-two years, kissing booboos, scaring away monsters, and making things better. I can’t say the words “let go it’s okay to leave.” I can’t give my son the permission he may be waiting for because I see the scared little boy, the one waiting on me to make it better, to fix it, to fix him, and I know he will be so afraid if he knows I’m giving up on him. I wouldn’t. He knows that.  I can tell him I love him, but I can’t and won’t end his life with his last though of his mom being the one that ended his life. I believe he would be screaming, “No, mom, what are you doing, I said three months, please mom, don’t do this, why are you doing this to me.”

My opposition argues with me, they want the organ donation; they want a dignified death for Eric. They believe he would be screaming to put him out of his misery, but life, in its rawest forms fights to preserve itself and Eric wouldn’t be any different.

I have given the word “dignity” a lot of thought. Dignified death? Is death, brought on by man dignified? Is death, by the hand of family or medical personal dignified? What is dignified death?

Death is death. Just because we have the technology to end a life, do we have the right to do so? Do we have the right to put someone into eternal sleep because the costs have gotten too high or the family can’t handle any more traumas? Is that what we as a people have told ourselves; it’s humane, let them go with dignity because ending someone’s life is more convenient and cheaper than the alternative? I don’t think that is dignity.

Dignity to me is accepting fate with honor.

So, no matter how selfish I am in wanting Eric to live on, no matter how much he is costing me, my family, or the hospitals, I am granting Eric his own say. I am backing off. Eric is in control of his own death. I do not have the right to take his life, nor does anyone else. I do not have the right to farm out his organs. This one is Eric’s call.

I believe, no matter how bad I would wish for Eric to live on in others, that Eric will die as Eric chooses and through that death he is living out his fate. The death his fate chooses will tell me if I can donate organs. If he goes brain dead Eric is telling us to take what we need to save others. If he goes via cardiac arrest and we lose the ability to donate any organs, so be it, it is his way of saying: “I’m out and I’m taking me with me.”

I am backing off and allowing Eric to complete his life, his way, and to me that is dignity.

Thanks for listening,

Eric’s Mom.
https://www.crowdrise.com/helpushelperic/fundraiser/nicoleconsiglio
  

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Eric Update


 

As many of you know, my son, Eric Cook, had a brain aneurysm on May 7. After the aneurysm, Eric showed great signs of improvement. He could move every limb, he cried as he squeezed his sister and a friend’s hand, in unison. He danced on command. We knew he was in there. We knew he was alive. He was so alive, the nurse showed tears and told us that he was moving on command so well she was having fun with it even when we weren’t in the room.

The aneurysm was coiled and he was in very critical condition with all odds against him, but daily I was told every day is progress. Every day he was alive was significant. He had a wonderful doctor from Detroit Medical Center, who I could trust. The Oakwood doctors, well, they are Oakwood doctors, and if you know Oakwood Hospital, enough said.

It was banged into our heads that Eric’s age was his number one issue against him, his brain didn’t have the room to swell, but if we could keep him alive through the critical moments, his age would be his biggest asset. Young brains can rewire themselves and do miracles with time. Time and time again I was told that you couldn’t give prognosis to the damage of a young brain.

In the beginning, we were told Eric had a stroke with right side damage. The stroke was a part of the aneurysm; it was due to the blood on the brain from the break.

The attitude from Oakwood Neurology was horrendous. They wore their God Complexes openly as if they earned their right to play the role. The mistakes seemed to manifest with poor quality health care and pompousness, but in the end, they continuously passed the buck, unable to take responsibility for their own actions, or inactions. The only person I could count on was our genius, the doctor that saved Eric’s life, but I can’t expose her at this time. She wasn’t an Oakwood staff doctor.

I watched as Eric in Neurology told our ICU nurse not to take intracranial pressure readings because he thought the transducer was plugged with clogged blood and didn’t want to change the tubing. He told her, at about 8 p.m. not to chart the pressures because Eric was going for angioplasty for vasospasm at 5a.m and “they could deal with it.” That one action gave birth to a stroke, still affecting only the right side, but it was a serious error typical of Oakwood.

It was because of this stroke that our little genius had him pulled from Oakwood. She tried to get him into DMC, but there weren’t any beds available. She assured me that Henry Ford was far more capable and she felt comfortable with it. I agreed.

Eric was doing wonderfully. He was opening his eyes. I didn’t see it, I wasn’t there during the neurologic tests, but the nurses were very happy about his stability. Still in critical condition, he was termed “very stable.” I was told that it was very early into Eric’s condition to be opening his eyes, especially after the latest stroke. I felt confident with the progress and believed they had a grip on Eric’s condition. He was progressing and that is the best we had for the situation. I liked very stable with opening his eyes.

Eric was still in vasospasm which is a collapsing of the vessels in the brain due to excess fluids and the blood that had settled from the bleed. He had already had one angioplasty, by the genius, and it went very well. At Henry Ford, his numbers were still “very stable, nowhere near what they were at Oakwood.” His intracranial pressures were between 8 and 10 which were very good.

I received a call at about 8 p.m. on May 16, asking permission to perform this very standard and simple procedure. I was reassured from of the information in the above paragraph. I felt confident as I was assured how incredibly stable Eric was and how simple the procedure was.

Time ticked and I felt it was taking too long. My daughter said it wasn’t much different than the first angioplasty. At 12:06 a.m. on May 17, six minutes into Eric’s 22nd birthday, the phone rang. The man could bearly speak. He was in tears. He was shaken. His first words were: “It’s bad, it’s very bad.” My heart dropped, but I had to keep my composure. I was expecting him to tell me they lost Eric on the table.

“The only thing good thing is he didn’t die on the table.” The man cried.

“What happened?”

“I blew the balloon up in his head. I did this. I am so sorry. He was doing so good. He was opening his eyes and everything. He was doing so good, I am so sorry.”

“Okay, stop, explain to me what happened.” I said, heart pounding and scared to death. I knew it was very bad news.

“I put in too much pressure and the balloon broke. It caused another bleed and another stroke, most of the damage that we can tell is still on the right, a little on the left, and he is still alive. I’m so sorry.”

“You know, six minutes ago it became Eric’s 22nd birthday.”


“Oh no, I’m so sorry.” The man was totally distraught.

“Okay, did you stop the bleed?”

“No, the bleed stopped on its own which is a good thing.”

“Okay. Stop.” His tears were making it harder for me. “Obviously you are very shaken and upset, but we can’t look backwards, we have to look forward. Just find a way to save my son.”

I had the gut feeling this was a student, resident, or someone new to the field. I was angry, but I knew in my heart this kid was totally shaken up and Eric had no other choice but to live out this guy’s mistake.

Eric remained on full code. The leading doctor said that he had been doing this for 15 or 16 years and had at least 1500 or 1600 of these cases. He said that Eric’s case had him perplexed and he was “nowhere near throwing in the towel.” This was on Sunday, May 18th. He told me he ordered an MRI for Monday morning, because he needed a full staph that wasn’t there on the weekends, because of Eric’s serious condition.

Eric was now in a coma, both pupils blown, but I was told they can come back.

On Monday, I received a call from the resident asking permission for a tube to be changed. I granted that permission. I asked about the MRI. She told me it was cancelled because his ICP was too high and he wasn’t stable enough to lay flat for the test. She then assured me that the goal has not changed. The goal was to keep his body stable. She said: “Though I can’t give you one bit of optimism, we keep them stable because sometimes in these cases we see a totally different scenario in three months.”

Within the next 60 minutes I received a call from a neurologist. Without any test ran, no MRI, no CAT, he tells me we need to discuss comfort care.

Out of nowhere.

I told him every what every other doctor said. He told me I talk to too many doctors. I asked to speak to the department head; he told me the department head only does sports medicine. I told him I wanted our doctor that had him transferred to review the records, he told me there were only 7 people in Michigan that was trained well enough to know what he did and she wasn’t one of them. I told him no tests had been taken and his response was: “Are you are happy with your son breathing and hiccupping once in a while?” The guy was cold, callus, and insensitive, but he was also going against every word from every doctor.

I told him I am not ready to make that decision without some test to verify what he was saying to me. He told me he understood I was under emotional distress and he could take it to court to get guardianship to make decisions for me.

I was flabbergasted. Without test to back his words I felt the need for Henry Ford to hurry and euthanize their big mistake. But, anyone that knows me knows, that isn’t how I roll. I am not going to intimidate or crumble. My son, my job, period.

I met with him last Wednesday. He told me Eric will be a vegetable.  I had two questions in my mind. 1) Is he brain dead, and 2) can he be an organ donor?”

No, he isn’t brain dead and yes he can be an organ donor.

He told me that the pressures in Eric’s brain had gone up to 60 and they were waiting for the right side of his head to explode outward and break through the stitches. He expected this to happen before days end and then Eric would be brain dead. He told me there was no way that Eric’s brain would survive through-out the weekend.

Whenever I spoke he smiled or grinned and nodded in agreement with a smile.

I said: “Eric was doing really well, he was opening his eyes, his pressures were great, until you guys blew up the balloon in his head, then it was like you dumped a cup of water in a computer and you shorted everything out.”

Again, he smiled, nodded, and said, “Yes.”

I had to stay composed. He had Eric’s life in his hands.

We made an agreement to keep Eric on full code until Monday…yesterday.

I called and spoke to Eric’s nurse yesterday. They didn’t want a meeting until today. Her words were “ he has one reflex, breathing.”

Okay, again, in a coma, breathing above the vent, not brain dead as promised by the leading man in Michigan?

“You have to start thinking about comfort care.”

Now, I already know by someone that works in trauma at Henry Ford, that there are children waiting on Eric’s organs. Organ transplant brings in hundreds of thousands, while Eric only costs them money.

I asked her exactly what it was to do comfort care. I guess this was her way of talking about euthanizing nicely.

“Well, we take him off the vent and we administer morphine to lower his breathing. The more he tries to breathe, the more morphine we administer until he goes into cardiac arrest.”

“So you overdose him.”

Mary, the nurse, became upset at my terminology. I didn’t care.

“No, it’s dying with dignity.”

Dignity for whom? Eric was anti-drug, to him overdose till heart attack isn’t dignity.

But she assured me they would have the teams set in place to immediately remove his organs.

Today I meet with the doctors at three.
 
Please help if you can...
Thank you,
Pam
 
 

Friday, May 23, 2014

I Love You, Eric


Dear Eric,

          Oh how I know this would embarrass you, but please understand that it’s all I have. I just learned there is no way, no matter what, that you can come back. Your heart is still beating, the same heart I once heard come to life on a fetal monitor before you were born. You are still breathing over the ventilator. Your body doesn’t want to quit and I know you don’t want to leave us because you are afraid and worried for all of us. Eric, this hurts like nothing ever before, I don’t even know how to let you go, but I do know that every twinge of pain, every tear that falls, is mine, and I don’t regret a single minute of being your mom.

          Eric, my fear is you are locked in your body, alone and afraid, trying to scream out to us, but deep inside I know you have said: “Kick rocks, I’m outta this Bitch, Peace.” It’s okay. I don’t want you to stay in a lifeless body. My God, I don’t want to lose you, and selfishly a part of me wants to keep you alive at all costs, but that isn’t what you ever wanted.

          You’re laughter, your silliness, your loyalty, and your love will live on forever through all of us. I know you know you were loved by every one of us and we know how deeply you loved everyone, be it one of us, or one of your friends. If you liked, you loved, if you loved, they were family, no matter what. You will never be forgotten or left behind, Eric, I promise.

          We never talked about death, why would we, you were so young, healthy, and full of life, there wasn’t a reason, so I’m wingin it, Eric. I don’t know what to do or how you would want it to be done. All I can do is follow my heart and believe I am making the right decisions for you.

          Oh my dear third born child, my second son, my only blue eyed boy, I can’t let you leave this world in vain. I can’t “put you to rest” because you aren’t old and withered from life. You are young and vibrant, a warrior, and because of that I can’t allow your perfectly healthy body to leave without saving the lives of others that have a chance to live long and healthy, through you. I hope you are down with that.

          I will never tell you goodbye. I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. I know you will always be with us, no matter what. I love you, Eric….I love you….and you know with everything in your soul…that if I could have done this one for you, I would have.

          I want you to know; that no matter what it takes, you will have a service of honor….and to those of you that know Eric….you’ll understand these words: You will not go out of this world as a bum. If I have to sell my car…I will…I promise.

          I love you, Eric….and thank you for giving me the honor of being your mom.

          Don’t be afraid….I love you…forever and always…Mom


Saturday, April 12, 2014

Debate This!


Writing politics forces me to find the facts on any given situation. Not a conservative or a liberal fact, but the fact, the only fact there is to the situation. Because there is so much bought propaganda, and politicians that push it, the facts aren’t always easy to find. Some believe their nightly Fox News, some MSMBC, some CNN, without realizing most aired media ignore many issues that are staring us in the face in America today. They talk on sided political selling points like gay rights, the Russian invasion, womens rights, all to incite the bases.
Talking with my dear friend Craig Degregorio about politics, though we stand on totally different sides of the fence, we agree on one thing, the lack of respect to our politicians. We voted for them, they won, like them or not. How dare any American post names like Obozo about the President of the United States? To loyal and patriotic true American’s, that’s a treasonous act.

Craig asked: “Don’t you want it to be back like it was when we were kids?”
T
hat question really provoked the thought leading to this writing. Yes, I want it to be back like it seemed to be back when we were kids, but that wasn’t real America either. I want America to raise the bar on itself. I want America to live up to its school taught and propagandized chest thumping.  We are far from it. We, as we stand, and maybe as we always have stood, are not what we claim to be. We are wolves in sheep’s clothing. The truth is only hidden from our people, globally, others are clearly aware, making our people look like idiots with heads stuck in the sands of denial.

My America is the America that can lend a hand to a country that may struggle with food or other needs. Not this massive power that causes problems in other countries to create a situation so we can pretend to rescue them. We need to see it for what it is; it is whitewashing clear capitalistic intent. It appears more obvious in today’s world, but it isn’t any new thing for America.
In my America I believe in freedom for all, not just the select few or the religious Christian. Freedom for all didn’t segregate or imprecate. Freedom wasn’t based on gender, age, creed, national origin, sex, or race, much less, and who would have ever even dreamed to add in, sexual orientation. Freedom to all American’s. That was the keyword. American’s.

In my America we have matured past the barbarism of physical war. Killing people would be as illegal, by now, for governments as it is for people. We are supposed to be civilized and killing the kids of underserving families just doesn’t make sense. It’s barbaric and something

America should be above and beyond.
In my America, nobody can rule with the bible. The bible and the spirituality that connects people to it is something done at home or with other worshippers at church. It isn’t for government. As an American, if I am punished by the laws of the land should I also be punished by the law of God, even if I don’t believe in that God? If I do believe in that God, am I now suffering from Double Indemnity? God doesn’t rule America, the bible doesn’t rule America, the people do. My constitution protects me from a state religion. My constitution protects me from you imposing your Christian beliefs and laws upon me. I am free from your Hellfire and brimstone because, I am an American. I am free to worship, or not, how and when and whom I choose, solely, because I am an American. Please quit taking that from me and please quit trying to impose your spiritual beliefs as laws upon me, I’m an ‘American, I’m allowed to make my own choice.

In my America, my politicians are honest men. They have honor and want the best for the people and the country as a whole. They don’t play upon a class system and don’t cast out those unlike themselves. They tell the people the truth, even if it may hurt him. He or she has honor, dignity, and enough self-respect to hold the highest office of our land, lying would be against their nature, deception, impossible.

In my America, a politician wouldn’t be allowed to slander a competing politician; mud-slinging would be beneath them. They would run upon their own personal honor, not on the tail of the incumbent’s shortcomings.

In my America, money in politics wouldn’t have any power, electoral votes would be voided and only the popular vote would count, and all people of age would be required to cast a vote. To limit voter suppression, voting would be done at home, sign in on your personal computer with your active social security number. Those without a computer could use local polling places. This would cut down on long lines and weather issues, identification issues, and all else that is used against a voter.

In my America, laws like the Patriot Act I, II, and the National Defense Authorization Act, which are laws that are all anti-freedom laws imposed on American’s robbing them of their constitutional rights, would be abolished.  NSA would also be abolished. Maybe if we stayed out of everybody’s business they wouldn’t feel the need to terrorize us. We aren’t despised globally without cause.

In my America, we wouldn’t have jobless or hungry. We wouldn’t have so many people working for low wages; we would have a solid and healthy base for our economy. We would create laws that wouldn’t allow our wealthy to continue the growing gap to larger than a third world country.

In my America, I want media to be honest, not bought and paid for. I want integrity in reporting. I don’t want to hear people on Fox News spewing garbage like people kill themselves from smoking pot. That’s ridiculous and insane.

In my America, I want justice equally for all. Politicians are people, not corporations.  But if Corporations are people hold them all accountable.

In my America, lobbyists are invisible and meaningless, because right is right, wrong is wrong, and the politicians know the difference. Red, White, and Blue are their favorite colors, not the green of greed.

In my America, our food is nurtured, not doctored to poison us. We would be protected, not infected from by our nutritional needs.

Does it matter if I’m a liberal, a conservative, right, left, black, white, gay, straight, if my toenails are painted, or not, isn’t this what you, as an American want to?

Now, I wish this is what we could be. This is the America I was taught in the public school system to believe we were. We aren’t. Everything about us has fallen into the danger zone, our education sucks, our freedom sucks, and the values of our politicians suck….let’s make us a decent America…It begans with educating yourself.

I want to be a part of a nation of pride, not shame. I’m tired of being embarrassed of being an American.

Till the next time,

Pam